Alas, the diamond buying journey begins. Once upon a midnight dreary, where I ponder weak and weary, eyeballs glued upon this query, here I search though still quite leery.
That's right Bub, you should be! Because if you think you're smart, looking for a diamond on the internet, then you'd better be wearing asbestos shorts 'cuz you can get your little hiney burnt bad if you don't know what you're doing.
Before you will be able to successfully buy a diamond on the internet, you need to know how to decipher those diamond grading reports. But, you also need to know specifically what information to gather before you can make an educated decision. Because it really is not as simple as "Trust me, it's GIA Excellent cut, point, and click!”
Diamond Buying Can Be Perilous!
However, that simple truth is the least of your problems! At a time when you should really be concentrating on memorizing Shakespeare’s sonnet “How do I love thee, let me count the ways” blah, blah, blah."
You should also be working very hard to create a chivalrous love-infested moment for your love slave. So that you might gather up all the brownie points you will need in the future.
But, no, you have to be “Male” and turn “How to Buy a Diamond Ring” into a Quest For Information. Consequently, this little detour will take you on an adventure far past the realm of the average 4C’s Diamond Pamphlet.
That's right, you're wandering into the Land of Nice Ice Diamonds! Conversely, The Wizard will provide answers to all your diamond buying questions, but those answers may lead to more questions.
Buying Time Is an Expensive Proposition:
The Challenge as I see it is that you got her hopes up when you asked her to marry you. But then you neglected to mention your competitive urge to conquer the world diamond market.
She doesn't know that she'll be waiting until you arise victoriously with the deal of the century before she gets engaged. And men, women do not like to wait which is why they make us wait on them! You really need to get this. Fortunately for you I am also a relationship coach.
The reality is that you Type-A Engineer Guys have messed up the whole engagement process. Now pay attention, because it’s supposed to work like this:
First, you wander aimlessly into the first jewelry store that you see. Then, you say something like “Hi I’m in Love and I need to buy a 1-carat engagement ring.”
They respond by asking “How much?” While not-so-subtly pointing out with a slight wave of their hand across the showroom floor. That is sign language for: "Perhaps you neglected to roll-in with a wheelbarrow containing 3 months of your hard-earned salary."
First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage:
Let's get this straight. You're supposed to buy a simple Tiffany solitaire in a price range you can afford. Then, you’re supposed to drop down on one knee. And then, you're supposed to propose in some romantic fashion that she will remember forever. Duh!
Then, after she bawls her eyes out and screams “!!! Yes !!!” in such a way as to disrupt everybody around you, and sexually assaults you in public, you’re supposed to go hopping off together to select the mounting of her dreams.
Consequently, if you propose in this manner, you also manage to control a significant portion of the purchase. We're specifically referring to the diamond. Then, you're supposed to create a moment that she’ll remember forever. Get it?
What Not To Do:
You’re not supposed to be dragging your fiancé all over town. Nor are you supposed to be tormenting her with dreams of diamonds and mountings you can’t afford, or are too cheap to actually buy!
Being a man of the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s or even the new millennium, we know it’s too late. That's right, you've probably already Eff’d this whole thing up beyond belief. TOTAL FUBAR. Especially if you’re an engineer like my dear old dad, and not a direct descendent of Errol Flynn.
Mom waited twenty five years for that diamond (and then she had to buy it for herself). Your fiancé probably doesn’t even want to hear the word “diamond” anymore. In fact, she's probably stopped answering your phone calls, or she soon will.
Yes, we know that you’ve been cut off from sex, or you soon will be. So, here you are, alone at night, cuddled up with your "smart phone" and manila folder stuffed with:
Did You Do Any Of Those Things? (Be Honest):
Great! Now that we’ve determined your “normal for Nice Ice” let’s see exactly how far you’ve buried yourself in the quest for the Holy Grail.
Answering “Yes” to any ONE of the following questions, is a clear indication that you need professional help. Preferably ours because our diamond concierge services are free.
Well, have no fear, we’re going to help you get the rock that’s going to change your destiny; increase your sex life; give you muscles; help you lose weight; and put hair back on your head (chest optional).
That’s right; we’re going to make you a hero, in spite of yourself! So sit down, shut up, and hang on to your mouse! Nice Ice is going to show you how to do this through the Power of Shared Knowledge!