Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome is a phenomenon based on the perception that your diamonds are shrinking. It affects people desperately in need of an upgrade.
Be Forewarned that Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome Is Real. I don’t mean to alarm you. However, there seems to be a virus sweeping the globe at record speed.
It causes women to perceive any diamond that they’ve worn for more than a few years as significantly smaller than it initially appeared. That’s right, diamonds worldwide are shrinking in size, or at least that’s what women seem to think.
Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome Is Trending:
Look at this 10.96 carat, H-color, VVS-2 clarity, GIA Excellent cut diamond from Blue Nile. Notice how your initial response is to focus on the larger image of the diamond.
However, your attention drifts to the left within seconds, and the diamond suddenly seems smaller. That phenomenon is an early indication that diamond shrinkage syndrome is affecting your perception.
Be aware that DSS is not new; the Way Back Machine shows its traces as JR-19 on earlier versions of our site. In other words, this masterpiece of contemporary literature has no origin in the current pandemic. It is an update to an article that has been rewritten several times throughout history.
How to Survive Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome:
The cause of the disease is unknown. However, we're probably not going to spend much time or resources trying to research a cure because it might impact our profit margins. However, we might start a non-profit organization shortly in case you want to donate.
The fact is that the 2-cart diamond on your wife’s ring finger has been shrinking over time. In that case, you are in serious need of an upgrade! Regardless of whether your wife is exhibiting symptoms or not, you should contact us immediately to schedule a consultation for treatment and to discuss a possible diamond upgrade.
Representatives from Brian Gavin Diamonds, James Allen, and Blue Nile have also stepped up as first responders to help in this time of need! The first thing that I must warn you about Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome is that it is highly contagious.
If you do not take specific steps to obtain a diamond upgrade, the symptoms related to seeing things as smaller than they are might quickly begin to spread to other areas of her life.
For instance, your wife might begin to think that your, uh... Now, how can I put this delicately? Well, let's say that you would be well served by quickly upgrading her diamond for a larger size if she ever mentions that the rock you gave her doesn't seem to be that "BIG" anymore.
Prevention is Key to Avoiding Shrinkage:
We believe that Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome will affect every woman on the planet who owns a diamond at some point shortly. Under those circumstances, it makes sense to take reasonable precautions to avoid the disease's onset before symptoms begin to appear.
The reality is that treatment costs are much more expensive after the onset of symptoms related to diamond shrinkage syndrome. After all, the patient is already suffering from delusions of grandeur and dementia.
They may also suffer from misconceptions regarding the size of their existing diamond. In that case, larger doses of diamond carat weight will be necessary to alleviate the emotional pain and trauma.
Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome Is Spreading:
Recent research related to the Diamond Shrinkage pandemic indicates that every woman worldwide is currently infected with varying degrees of Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome.
This insight comes straight from the Center for Diamond Commerce (CDC). Consequently, it does not seem to matter whether women are engaged or not.
Evidence indicates that De Beers Diamond Trading Company may have genetically engineered the virus. We also that the DTC is responsible for spreading shrinkage syndrome through magazine advertisements.
Straight Talk From the CDC About DSS:
According to The CDC, the Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome outbreak's origin may have occurred during the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' initial screening back in 1949. The film director was Howard Hawks, and it featured Jane Russell, Marilyn Monroe, Charles Coburn, and Elliott Reid.
The CDC initially considered the initial diamond craze that occurred among women shortly after the movie first appeared in theaters created by the song "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend," incorporated within the film.
According to an anonymous source at The CDC, the song contains subliminal messages designed to convince women that an engagement ring's true meaning is relative to size.
Our source indicates that top-level scientists working on behalf of the CDC now believe that one or more diamond cartels might have used popcorn to spread trace elements of the virus.
Unfortunately, this theory can neither be proven nor disproven since no samples of the popcorn were collected by the CDC when the initial diamond-related craze occurred.
Stay Calm. Treatment is Available:
If you suspect that you or a loved one has Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome, the key is not to panic. However, you should seek treatment immediately. Do not call 911 and do not go to the emergency room.
An inside source within the government recently told us that they had instructed emergency personnel to detain infected persons for a 72 hour evaluation period. All infected persons are transferred to Area 51 in Nevada to work in the diamond mines allegedly located beneath the facility.
Do not be misled by Conspiracy Theorists who allege that Area 51 is a secret government research facility. Some people think that the UFO that flew over Roswell, New Mexico, is stored there.
However, we have it on good authority that the Air Force perpetrated that hoax in 1947 to draw attention away from a secret diamond mine. Trust me, I have researched this, and I know about this subject.
Pay close attention to the timing: In 1947, we have reports of a "flying saucer" spotted over Nevada within proximity of a top-secret government "underground" facility. A "Flying Saucer," yea right, what kind of fools does our government take us for?
That was a Redundant Question:
And then, in 1949, "somebody" probably "the government" pays Hollywood to "Wag the Dog." In that case, they produce a movie featuring Marilyn Monroe called "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes."
However, all that anybody remembers about the movie is the song titled "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend." Not surprisingly, most people think that the name of the song is the name of the movie. Idiots.
Now, this is where it gets exciting. All of the people who originally appeared in the movie are now dead. That's right, DEAD. You see where I'm going with this, right?
The government made them disappear just like Elvis! Why for all we know, Marilyn Monroe was an alien. She's probably alive and well, performing live down in the diamond mines located beneath Area 51.
I can see her now, singing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend." If you can imagine this, then it might be real. After all, time is an illusion because Einstein told me so.
The Cost of Treatment is Reasonable:
As tempting as it might be to throw your wife out of the car as you whisk past the hospital and send her staggering into the emergency room raving something about "Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome" with full knowledge that they'll drag her off to work in the mines.
You need to know that the government will inform you that they need to hold her for observation. Treatment is necessary for an extended time, and No Visitors Are Allowed.
Sounds perfect, right? Well, hold on, Sparky, because treatment for pandemic diseases is probably not covered under your HMO. Nope, they'll end up sending agents of the Internal Revenue Service.
(They're like the CDC, but with different initials). They'll probably use the threat of seizing all of your financial assets to coerce you into not speaking to anybody about Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome.
Nope, it's easier and more cost-effective to take care of arranging for treatment on your own quietly. Nope, it's easier and more cost-effective to take care of arranging for treatment on your own quietly. You can always opt for a lab-grown diamond if you don't mind the differences and plummeting value.
Advanced Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome Symptoms:
Allegedly the phrase "Go Big or Go Home" was first introduced as a marketing slogan for a set of over-sized motorcycle pipes called "Porker Pipes" in the 1990s.
Now you know that I'm going to have to twist that whole "porker pipes" thing into a supporting argument for this feature article on Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome, so here goes:
The motorcycle company executives and the graphics designer's wives suffered from symptoms related to the final stages of Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome.
Strange Things Go Bump In the Night:
Witnesses saw the women streaking around the neighborhood under the light of a full moon. That's right; they heard them laughing about the size of their husbands' two-inch "porker pipes."
They were also yelling "Go Big or Go Home" at the top of their lungs. Needless to say that the executives of the motorcycle company had to design a product that incorporated two-inch pipes quickly.
That way, they could assure their neighbors that their wives were merely excited about the new product line. In that case, they were celebrating that their husbands were going to receive big fat bonus checks.
That is, once the "Porker Pipes" were sold to the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Group. That is a true story, I swear. You can tell people that you read about it on the internet.
Current Treatment Options for DSS:
We don't want your wives to running around the neighborhood yelling about the size of your porker pipe. After all, what would the neighbors think?!?!?
So we want to help you find the most significant diamond upgrade possible. That will help you avoid the pain and suffering caused by the early onset of Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome.
Thankfully Brian Gavin Diamonds have some impressive options available. That is fortunate because there is a shortage of larger well-cut diamonds.
Many diamond cutters are opting to produce diamonds of larger size with no regard for visual performance. That is due to the current shortage of larger diamond rough and high demand resulting from the recent outbreak.
The #1 Rated Vaccine from Gavin Labs:
Rest assured that diamond cutters around the world are racing to cure diamond shrinkage syndrome. However, Brian Gavin already has a patent for maximizing light performance in the modern round brilliant cut diamond.
Advanced ASET from the AGS Laboratory confirms the degree of performance. It also proves that light is reflecting evenly throughout Brian Gavin Signature diamonds. Their diamonds exhibit a more vivid and intense sparkle factor due to a higher degree of optical precision.
The root cause is more consistency in facet shape, size, and alignment. The cumulative effect of precise proportions and optical precision is more virtual facets.
That results in diamonds that look brighter and sparkle with more intensity. In that event, Brian Gavin's cure for Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome is Bigger, Bolder, and Brighter.
They Produce Multiple Versions of the Formula:
There is not a one-size-fits-all cure for Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. That is because the size of her first diamond ring affects the perception of size. People may also develop preferences for different diamond shapes.
For that reason, Gavin Faux-Pharmaceuticals offers a broad spectrum of treatment options:
What Are the Differences?
Brian Gavin Labs designs ideal cut diamonds with performance in mind. As a result, you can choose any shape of treatment you prefer. However, it is essential to remember that individual results may vary depending on the dosage of carat weight.
It is also reasonable to expect the sparkle factor of each shape to reflect light in different patterns. For that reason, you will see that round brilliant and cushion-cut diamonds reflect light more evenly.
In contrast, the emerald cut diamond is a step-cut that is very bright, but it does not sparkle like a brilliant. If you prefer a square brilliant, then consider the princess cut diamond.
You should expect to experience bouts of blinding brilliance regardless of dosage or shape. That is a known side-effect of buying a Brian Gavin Diamond engagement ring. It might also cause obsessive-compulsive behavior such as wearing sunglasses indoors and frequent ring cleaning.
Take a Larger Dose When In Doubt:
Many scientists agree that you should always buy the largest diamond possible. In that way, you might postpone the onslaught of diamond shrinkage syndrome for slightly longer.
Individual results may vary depending on the preference and experience of each user. However, most people experience more significant relief when upgrading in segments of half-a-carat or more.
In other words, if the afflicted person currently has a three-quarter carat diamond, then upgrading to 1.25 carats is likely to provide relief. Simultaneously, buying a diamond upgrade of 2-carats or more certainly can't hurt.
Consequently, every woman who initially said it's too big seems to adjust to the size easily. Of course, we're speaking from experience as diamond buying professionals. We can also attest that Brian Gavin Has Big Rocks (and they're super sparkly too).
BGD and Others Are Cranking Out the Cure:
Brian Gavin Diamonds are cranking out the cure for diamond shrinkage syndrome. Of course, it makes sense to buy from them initially to receive full value on future diamond upgrades.
Many other companies offer excellent diamond upgrade policies, including:
Be sure to read the fine print of the upgrade and trade-in policies. Most of the vendors above offer full trade-in value, but some require you to spend twice the original purchase price.
Insight from Marcel Tolkowsky, Circa 1919:
Some industry experts believe that Marcel Tolkowsky was trying to develop a DSS cure as early as 1919. In his published works titled Diamond Design, he reveals a specific formula for maximizing light performance.
Before you get too excited, keep in mind that we live under different lighting conditions in this modern era. In that case, we suggest adhering to the following proportions for round brilliant cut diamonds:
Recommendations By Diamond Shape:
If you prefer shapes other than round, then refer to the following diamond buying guides:
Alternate Formulations of H&A Diamonds:
In our opinion, Brian Gavin produces the most spectacular-looking diamonds in the world. If it were up to our discretion, then all of our clients would buy diamonds from them.
Here is a picture of the engagement ring Brian Gavin built for my son to present his bride. The center stone is an 0.80 carat, F-color, VS-1 clarity, Black by Brian Gavin diamond. Needless to say that Corey is going to have to spring for an upgrade sometime soon.
My role as a trade consultant with 35+ years of experience enables us to buy directly from practically any diamond cutter in the world. The incredible sparkle factor is the reason we chose a Black by Brian Gavin diamond.
However, you should conduct your due diligence and see what each company has to offer:
These organizations are working around the clock to Cure Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome. In that case, representatives are standing by to help personalize your treatment plan. They can even help you custom design a setting that will support future growth. Please read our guide on how to buy diamonds online like a pro for vendor-specific reviews.
I'm also happy to help you find diamonds of various sizes to consider if you want to drop me a note. Just give me an idea of the characteristics you seek and a price range. Consequently, the diamond sparkle factor is more critical than size (despite the satirical ramblings above).